Introduction

As an entrepreneur, I’ve experienced how time constraints and challenging situations can impact relationships. Early in my career, an extensive resume didn’t equate to lasting relationships. The realization hit at 45: loneliness had set in, a consequence of being excessively focused on work. A shift was imperative. My spouse and I now start each year by scheduling time for each other, followed by commitments to personal growth meetings and social engagements. These intentional steps have strengthened our relationship over our 29 years together.

Clearings: A Personal Touch to Emotional Connection

Understanding how we feel is vital for effective communication. Enter “clearings,” a technique my spouse and I developed to increase emotional intelligence (EQ). The acronym PEMS represents the four aspects we address: Physically, Emotionally, Mentally, and Spiritually. By expressing our feelings in each category, we gain clarity about our current state.

Example Clearing: Dealing with Illness

Consider a scenario where I attended a large gathering before Thanksgiving and later realized I had the flu. Despite medication, a clearing might go like this:

• Physically: I feel tired and worn out.
• Emotionally: I feel irritated with myself for not taking preventive measures.
• Mentally: I feel foggy and unclear, affecting my usual focus.
• Spiritually: I feel guided by a higher power, understanding what changes I need for future gatherings.

Clearings allow us to understand each other better, making collaboration more effective. We’ve noticed that when we fail to clear, our efficiency and emotional presence diminish, hindering our highest level of competency.

Let me give you an example. The weekend before Thanksgiving, I went to a large gathering. Two days later I realized I had the flu that was going around, and it was not COVID, since I had myself evaluated. Even though I was taking medication, my clearings would resemble something like this: Physically, I feel tired and worn out. Emotionally I feel irritated with myself, since I know things, I can do to be caring and thoughtful with people and yet prevent myself from ending up being ill. Mentally I feel foggy, and I feel unclear, so I am not tracking as well as I usually do about the things we are discussing. Spiritually I feel guided by higher power and clear about what I need to do at the next large gatherings. Then my spouse told me how she felt and where she was.

What happens when we both know where we are we have a better way of knowing what to do with each other, since she immediately said, “I will lead on the project that we are working on for _____________________company, and I will submit to you our design so you can give your input.” Now, the next week, she felt dreadful, and I was able to be the lead in another program that we were planning.

We are both powerful women, and we have been in business for a number of years. Yes, we can get into conflicts about things, and so we make an effort to stop ourselves when we are having strong differences of opinion about something. As we pause, we both take time to determine how we feel physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. We then clear about how we feel and where we are. We occasionally failed to clear, and we have found more times than not that we are not as efficient or emotionally present, which prevents us from performing at our highest level of competency. We stop when we realize we have failed to clear, and provide our feelings and thoughts, and then when we know where we both are we can work more effectively together.

I have often been surprised at what I learn about people when we do clearings. Clearings create emotional connections, which increases emotional intelligence, and companies that implement clearings are amazed at how much they get done.

Stay tuned for the next blog, where we’ll delve into the significance of honest feelings, especially when they differ, and the impact of clearings on emotional connections.